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Pacific
Southwest District
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Dateline: May 17, 2003; Fair Friends Rose Society Rose Show, Ventura, California
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The rose world was shaken to its very roots yesterday as a new, yet to be named rose made its surprise debut. Helen Fredin is reported to have said: "I have never seen anything like this." ARS Executive Committee is reported to have met in a secret special session Saturday night and may adopt a new classification of roses, possibly to be called "Monster-Flora". Dr. Tommy Cairns, President of ARS, was unavailable for comment.
Some exhibitors fled the show room in terror as they believe one of the leaves attempted to grab them. This was discounted later as the cause is believed to be simply a strong breeze generated by a passing train just north of the building.
This massive bloom was measured to be approximately 33 inches in diameter. The stem was approximately 6 feet tall. This specimen could not be placed on the table but had to be placed on the floor. The leaves are about as long as a person's forearm with thorns slightly larger than the size of a thumb. The peduncle was 13 inches.
The grower and hybridizer, Nikita K. Rulhoksoffski from San Onofre, California, transported this massive bloom in a small enclosed trailer. When asked what feeding program he used, Comrade Rulhoksoffski said his special program uses approximately three gallons of fish emulsion bi-weekly followed by ten pounds of an organic feeding mixture of 8-16-8 once a month per bush. His fish emulsion is home produced and he obtains the fish about four miles west of his seaside residence. He said his "secret is really in the watering." When asked how many bushes he had, he had no comment. This leads to speculation that other varieties are being produced.
It is further unclear as to how the pruning and deadheading are performed and details were not significantly provided. Comrade Rulhoksoffski did mention that he recently had his wife attempt to cushion the fall of one of blooms earlier in the month while conducting experiments to determine the shelf life of the cut blooms. Her funeral was May 4th.
After a rather heated discussion in Pacific Southwest District tradition, District Judges Chairman, Frank Grasso, informed the show judges that the rose must be disqualified according to ARS rules because it is not commercially available and is currently unnamed. No "Seedling class" was in the show schedule. Several San Diego area rosarians suffered minor injuries when they attempted to obtain illegal cuttings.
Mr. Rulhoksoffski, 45, a nuclear scientist from the former Soviet
Union, enjoys vodka, imported cigars and the Russian ballet when he is not attending
to his gardening.
